Just put my 8-year-old daughter to bed. We celebrated her 8th birthday a few weeks ago, January 2. Before going to bed tonight she requested we watch the rest of the video of her being born and her first few months on this earth. While it was against the rules of the 30 minute limit on TV a day, I figured this was a good exception.
Going back to that time really makes me even more grateful for where I am today. While Michael and I were trying to start a family, we ran into all the wonderful infertility issues. Noone has been able to tell us what the specific issue was/is, yet today we are ever so grateful to have Stephanie in our lives. It all truly was a miracle. After many months had passed and we were having little success on our own, we payed a visit to the infertility clinic. After going through a complete history on me, one thing that came up was the fact that due to the radiation from the brain tumor I had when I was 7, I was growth hormone deficient (for those of you who know me, but didn't know this...yes, that's why I'm so short :-).
I was one of the first to take the growth hormone injections as a child, where thankfully I was able to grow 6 inches (to an astounding 4 feet 8 inches), and then since the hormone was coming from cadavers and children also on it were dying, my parents made the wise decision to have me stop. Anyway, another long story short, present studies show that Growth Hormone helps us as adults as well...everything from healthy muscles, to bone density to cholesterol levels and cardiac function. With much still unknown about it, the infertility Dr. suggested I look into going back on it, thinking it couldn't hurt. After a visit to the endocrinologist, who agreed, he suggested I have an MRI just to be sure I was clear of any brain tumors before starting the Growth Hormone again. My thoughts were, "Sure, pretty far fetched idea, as I've been there, done that, I'm fine now. Now my job is to help other children." Little did I know I'd be recieveing a call at my job as a Child Life Specialist at Bellevue Hospital saying that they see something in the MRI, I should go have it checked out. "Aaaaah!!!!"
It was a Meningeoma. Another non-mailignant brain tumor most likly caused by the extensive amount of radiation I had to kill the first one. Studies show they are likly to form 15 to 20 years later. Well, gee, noone told me that. So here, Michael and I were, boarding our next rollercoaster ride, not knowing in which direction it would take us. So, I believe it was January 24, 2000, I was admitted to Mount Sinai Medical Center once again, so they could remove it and we could get on with our lives. While it was no picnic, all went well. The tumor was located near my optic nerve and when getting it out they hit something and I now have double vision (had that temporarily fixed with eye surgery, but unfortunatly it didn't last very long). I tilt my head to compensate. Aside from that, I guess I can't complain.
So from there, Michael and I paid many visits to the infertility clinic, and after going through 3 IUI's I was ready to call it a day. Michael pushed me along to try one more time with the IVF. With a little convincing I did, and getting that phone call that it finally worked was a beautiful day!
It took a long time, probably 9 months for me to actually believe it. I never wanted to get my hopes up, knowing that something can always go wrong. That comes from everything from my own experiences to those I see all the children and families I work with day in and day out go through. So after getting through the general obstacles of pregnancy to the horrid day of 9-11 and days after when January 1st, 2002 came along and my water broke, 33 hours later on January 2nd, we were pleasantly surprised with our long awaited daughter.
Needless to say we stopped there as far as having anymore children. To me, she was a miracle and I didn't want to press my luck. I still go back for my repeated MRI's, in fact have one coming up next month. So far, so good, so hopefully we'll continue on this track for a long time to come.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Here we go...
Well, I guess you can say this is my first attempt at a "Blog". After having a few different ideas for publishing a book, but not knowing if there would ever be an interest, I always thought this might be the best way to go. So, here we go...
There are so many details from that time I can remember; good, bad, scary, sad and yet what seemed to me normal and positive. Since this is my first post, I won't get into the detailed memories. It's more of the end results that seem to matter most. While not really understanding the significance of what having a "brain tumor" meant, yet being scared and frightened of every needle, test and operation I had to experience, I came out of it all looking back as if it were a positive experience. Something I did, I got through, that noone else I knew had. I always attributed this to the fact that my parents were there with me throughout it all. Supporting me, helping me and most of all advocating for me. I had my own private room, filled with gifts from friends and family who would visit often.
Years later, when thinking of "what I wanted to be when I grew up", these experiences all came back to me. I could remember two boys who were in the hospital the same time I was. I never remembered seeing their parents, only the two of them having wheel chair races down the hallways. I would invite them into my room to play Connect-4 and other games. I always wondered; who helped them, who held their hands when they needed blood tests, who made sure they were OK? I wanted to be that person; someone who was an advocate, a friend, someone to turn what could be a negative experience into a positive one. When I would talk about this with my parents the only conclusion we could come to was that there was no such "job title", only volunteers.
Upon applying to colleges thinking I would study Child Psychology, I was lucky enough to meet a professor at the University of Delaware who introduced me to the field of Child Life. Over 20 years later I still get the same response...Child Life Specialist??? Here's the current definition from the Child Life Council (http://www.childlife.org/)...
Child life specialists are experts in child development, who promote effective coping through play, preparation, education, and self-expression activities. They provide emotional support for families, and encourage optimum development of children facing a broad range of challenging experiences, particularly those related to healthcare and hospitalization. Understanding that a child’s wellbeing depends on the support of the family, child life specialists provide information, support and guidance to parents, siblings, and other family members. They also play a vital role in educating caregivers, administrators, and the general public about the needs of children under stress.
Throughout my class, "The Hospitalized Child", I would sit in awe listening to the theories and ideas about how the hospital experience can effect a child and how there are so many things that can be done to make it easier. I would nod my head in agreement, feeling as if I could have written this all myself.
Well, here I am 33 years later after my first hospital experience. I am a seasoned, almost 20 years, certified Child Life Specialist. I presently work as a coordinator of a Child Life program at a Children's Hospital in Morristown, NJ. There have been many other life changing events throughout this time, but for now this is a glimpse into my thoughts of how everything happens for a reason and how negative experiences can be ultimatly turned into positve, growth producing ones.
Having just celebrated my 40th birthday, and just turning the corner to a new decade, I guess there's a lot to say. Overall my life has been filled with so many moments of thinking that everything happens for a reason. Having faced many uncontrolled challenges, I always try to see the good in what results. Through the years, I continue to wonder why, and am always questioning.
So I guess I'll go back to my time of greatest innocence, where the fate of where I am today began. I'm a typical 7 year old child, living in Rockland County, NY with my mother, father and 2 older sisters. This is back in the Spring of 1976. All was well, as far as I knew, until one day when I told my parents I was seeing double. While noone wants to think this is anything to really worry about, I can remember my mother telling me she would make me an eye doctors appointment. My first thoughts was worrying that I might need glasses. Little did I know that after seeing the Eye Doctor, who was concerned after looking in my eyes, he then had us follow up with my Peditrician. After seeing the doctor, I remember playing in the waiting room with my sisters. Shortly after, my mother came out saying we needed to go to the hospital. Long story short, I was then admitted to Mount Sinai Medical Center in NY for an approximate 2 month stay for a non-malignant (not cancerous) brain tumor.There are so many details from that time I can remember; good, bad, scary, sad and yet what seemed to me normal and positive. Since this is my first post, I won't get into the detailed memories. It's more of the end results that seem to matter most. While not really understanding the significance of what having a "brain tumor" meant, yet being scared and frightened of every needle, test and operation I had to experience, I came out of it all looking back as if it were a positive experience. Something I did, I got through, that noone else I knew had. I always attributed this to the fact that my parents were there with me throughout it all. Supporting me, helping me and most of all advocating for me. I had my own private room, filled with gifts from friends and family who would visit often.
Years later, when thinking of "what I wanted to be when I grew up", these experiences all came back to me. I could remember two boys who were in the hospital the same time I was. I never remembered seeing their parents, only the two of them having wheel chair races down the hallways. I would invite them into my room to play Connect-4 and other games. I always wondered; who helped them, who held their hands when they needed blood tests, who made sure they were OK? I wanted to be that person; someone who was an advocate, a friend, someone to turn what could be a negative experience into a positive one. When I would talk about this with my parents the only conclusion we could come to was that there was no such "job title", only volunteers.
Upon applying to colleges thinking I would study Child Psychology, I was lucky enough to meet a professor at the University of Delaware who introduced me to the field of Child Life. Over 20 years later I still get the same response...Child Life Specialist??? Here's the current definition from the Child Life Council (http://www.childlife.org/)...
Child life specialists are experts in child development, who promote effective coping through play, preparation, education, and self-expression activities. They provide emotional support for families, and encourage optimum development of children facing a broad range of challenging experiences, particularly those related to healthcare and hospitalization. Understanding that a child’s wellbeing depends on the support of the family, child life specialists provide information, support and guidance to parents, siblings, and other family members. They also play a vital role in educating caregivers, administrators, and the general public about the needs of children under stress.
Throughout my class, "The Hospitalized Child", I would sit in awe listening to the theories and ideas about how the hospital experience can effect a child and how there are so many things that can be done to make it easier. I would nod my head in agreement, feeling as if I could have written this all myself.
Well, here I am 33 years later after my first hospital experience. I am a seasoned, almost 20 years, certified Child Life Specialist. I presently work as a coordinator of a Child Life program at a Children's Hospital in Morristown, NJ. There have been many other life changing events throughout this time, but for now this is a glimpse into my thoughts of how everything happens for a reason and how negative experiences can be ultimatly turned into positve, growth producing ones.
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